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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 
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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 






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ABUSES 






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HOTELS. 



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PRICE 10 CENTS. 



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,1879.^/ 






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CHICAGO: 

Bero iV McCann, Printers, 151 Fifth Avenuk. 

1879. 



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Although this bears the name of "About Hotels," it is not 
altogether about hotels, and anyone who buys it with the ex- 
pectation of learning how to run a hotel, is already doomed 
to diappointment. Neither is it a lingo upon tlie architect- 
ural design of this, that or anyother hotel. The readers 
patience will not l)e imposed upon in sucli a reckless manner. 
It is not expected to be of any benefit to hotel men, l)ut to 
the large number of women who are of necessity continually 
traveling about, it would respecAilly suggest that they pat- 
ronize only such hotels as offer them proper protection 8,t 
meals, in the drawing rooms, and everywhere throughout the 
houses — Hotels that expose rather than protect their lady 
patrons are numerous, and to the correction of this as well 
as other abuses, these few pages are Dedicated. 



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COPYBIGHT BT THE AVTHOB. 

— tir 



Abuses, or About Hotels. 



There is apparently nothing in the hotel business to make the 
men engaged in it differently natnred from hankers, dry goods 
men or produce dealers ; hut observation has taught the writer 
to believe that there is a vast amount of difference between 
them. The sensibilities of hotel men, and the men that are 
commonly called merchants bear no resemblance. More 
particularly is this difference apparent in their dealings with 
their respective employes. Who would not be shocked if a 
dry goods man should whistle for one of his cash boys, or 
snap his fingers for a salesman to step that way. Such con- 
duct would give the store an air of brutishness, and the "fair 
sex" at least would pronounce it "horrid." It is well known 
that from the time a lady or gentleman becomes a guest of a 
lirst-class hotel, he or she hears little else than loud and 
boisterous instructions to pointers, bell boys, waiters and 
chambermaids. After a little service in the hotel, these same 
servants become imbued with the spirit of their instructors, 
and then they increase the tumult by snapping at each other. 
Who ever heard of a hotel proprietor giving an employee two 
weeks vacation without charging him lost time ; although for 
months he might have worked overtime, that would have 
brought him double pay as a railroad engineer or as a teamster ? 

Who ever heard of a hotel proprietor giving an employee 
in his hotel a letter of introduction to some person of posi- 
tion and character ; recommending the bearer as a young 
man of good character, deserving of confidence, and expres- 
sing hope that his opportunity for social enjoyment would be 
advanced by acquaintance with his esteemed friend ? Let 
some one answer, if they ever heard of a hotel man doing 
anything like that. The truth of the matter is that, hotel 
men are so selfish ; they can think of no one but themselves. 



4 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

It cannot be said of a hotel man that he ever moraHzed with 
his employees, or ever made any effort to turn them from 
waywardness, as is an everyday occurrence with men in other 
business. In his hotel the proprietor sways like a petty 
tyrant. It pleases his vanity to be regarded by his servants 
with a feeling akin to awe. He would not object to their fal- 
ling down before him, like worshippers to some cannibal 
chief. Of course egotism enveloped in a superabundance of 
vanity is the sum total of any being of such capability. An- 
cestry may be something to feel boastful of, but hotel keepers 
have not even this to sustain the conceited notions they have 
of themselves. 

A picture of the first hotel and its surrounding, perhaps 
would be verv far from a representation of the modern struc- 
ture. It probably would not look to be six stories and man- 
sard roof in height, with elevator, telegraph office, electric 
annunciator, and so forth. It would, probably, look more 
like an ordinary country dwelling with a hitching post and 
horse trough in the foreground; the proprietor might be 
standing in the door in his shirt sleeves and white apron, a 
man of all work, bartender, waiter and hostler in turn. 
Naturally enough he progressed as he came along down the 
course of time ; commendable enough, he changed his coarse 
exterior for the more fascinating appearance of a man of 
means and leisure. While it is possible and desirable, that 
men in humble positions should become great and good, hotel 
men rarely attain that distinction. The character of the 
waiter, the hostler and the bartender in an aggravated degree 
are his only qualities of inherent worth ; he is the shoddy of 
that class of industrious laborers. There is scarcely 
any doubt but that the hotel business had its origin as a rum 
dispensary, and to some extent bears that appearance to-day. 
Without any natural claims to much respectability, and bear- 
ing in mind the origin of both this business and its mana- 
gers, a person hardly knows whether to praise or condemn 
the hotel fraternity of the present. Of course hotel men can- 
not be anything but what nature made them ; but its neglect 
to make them better is a great affliction. 

The hotel proprietor gives no thought to the happiness or 
well being of his help ; or if they should receive any thought- 
fulness from him it would only be in the way of contempt. 



ABUSES, OR AAOUT HOTELS. 6 

His thoughtfulness is manifested in the way he diets his bell 
boys. He feeds them on refuse, sleeps them in dark and fil- 
thy basements, huddled together like swine in a pen. Wash 
women, cleaning girls and this class of help fare about as 
the boys do. Hunger is seldom appeased among these 
toilers in this seeming place of plenty ; stark and gaunt it 
lurks perpetually among these sickly forms, even sickness 
among them awakens no sympathy in the breast of the em- 
ployer. He feels a secret satisfaction when his help dine upon 
a waste crust or a few odds and ends from tlie kitchen. 
Hotel men sometimes give liberally of their means in a pub- 
lic glory way, but would it not seem more consistent if they 
practiced some modest generosity at home, but as it is, their 
help are worked and starved under their avaricious and un- 
feeling hands. Bondage would be almost preferable to the 
way hotel help have to live. If a man has a slave worth one 
thousand dollars he is interested in his physical condition, so 
that he will not depreciate in value, consequently the owner 
will look to his bedding and food as a means to that end. 
Some hotel help are slaves without this much in their favor, 
and they do not seem to know how to better themselves. 

By a miscalculation sometimes, others besides the help in 
the hotel get a sample of the hotel man's inwardness. An 
instance in point occured under the eyes of the writer a short 
time ago, and can be relied upon as a fair illustration of their 
humanity in general. A lady arriving at a hotel late at night 
discovered that her pocket-book containing her railroad ticket 
and what money she had was stolen from her while in the 
omnibus that conveyed her from the depot. Evidence that 
the lady was no impostor was conclusive from a number of 
passengers who rode to the hotel with her ; it was seen in her 
possession by at least four reliable witnesses. As soon as 
these facts became known to the hotel proprietor, his advice 
was that she ''might find shelter in the depot," for herself 
and her young daughter. The lady's spirit rose in arms of 
indignation as she hurried out of the place, her face 
expressing such a volume of contempt. The lady's 
misfortune coming to the knowledge of a railroad offi- 
cial who happened to be at the depot at the time ; she was 
substantially provided for. He heading a subscription list 
with ten dollars, others followed the noble example, and in 



6 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

less than half an hour the lady's loss was fully made up. 
The hotel man having heard in the meantime what was being 
done, sent the lady an invitation to return to his hotel, which 
invitation, I need hardly say, was declined with thanks, she 
no doubt prefering the rude benches of the depot, to sump- 
tuous fare in a place where her sensitiveness had been so 
outrageously assaulted. What a striking contrast in the ac- 
tion of the hotel man and that of the railroad man in this 
single instance. The act of the latter was manly and phil- 
anthrophic ; while that of the former was mean spirited and 
pucilanimous, to say the least. The saloon keeper that takes 
the inebriate's last nickel and then pushes him out doors to 
freeze and die of exposure, would not be doing a thing any 
worse, no not half so bad as this ; many hotel men have less 
humanity than saloon keepers. 

Popularity is the hotel man's highest ambition, he strains 
every opportunity to gain it, he will even pander lascivious- 
ness, hoping thereby to gain a few links of doubtful popular- 
ity. It is, in fact, astonishing how he can live such a reck- 
less immoral life, and retain the respect of his neighbors. 
This characteristic of the hotel man is contagious to a cer- 
tain extent, some employees cannot escape it. The porter as 
well as the clerk is struggling to be popular. The clerk with 
his stale jokes, innuendos and small wdtticisms well learned is 
very popular, at least with those like himself, and not unfre- 
quently in his own estimation. It is about the same way 
with the porter, with a sly, expressive wank, he will rail you 
about your "lady killing," and make you almost a real 
Adonis, and while he puts away his brush and pockets his 
dime, he will tell you that "you are all right if you only let 
the women alone." In all these efforts to be popular, I have 
always noticed that the name women, is a severe sufferer, 
and if justice is ever awarded it, heavy damages for defama- 
tion of character must be the verdict. The word woman, 
applied often, is an "open sesame" to popularity in most 
hotels, and after some employees learn this secret, enquiries 
for Tom or John will be frequent, and they will cut almost, if 
not altogether as important a figure in the house, as the 
landlord himself. A popular hotel clerk takes a seat at 
breakfast and addresses an acquaintance thus, "all broke up," 
presently some one else enters the dining room and he is 



ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 1 

spoken to in the same language, "all broke up." Then a 
rakish looking fellow comes along whom the clerk seems to 
be better acquainted with, and he and the clerk say "all broke 
up" at the same time ; and as it cannot be discovered what 
it is that is "all broke up," the writer necessarily puts this 
phrase down as another key to popularity. 

The egotism of hotel men has been helped along by impec- 
unious newspaper attachees who go around the country 
settling their hotel bills by puffing poor hotels and their villain- 
ous cusine, and still worse, proprietors. It is safe to say that 
there is not a disreputable hotel anywhere in Illinois but has 
received the indorsement of some "influential" newspaper. 
Many men seek the hotel business as a means, or a conven- 
inence to indulge their immoral inclinations ; they connive 
with profligacy, and seek profit in the laxity of the sexes. In 
such cases the female employees in the publically respecta- 
ble and privately vile places are persistently importuned by 
the lecherous proprietors ; and however respectable they may 
be at first, unless prompted by self respect to leave the hotel's 
loathsome portals, a deadly moral blight will eventually sink 
them dowli. A great many men spend their lives making a 
bad world worse ; but yet there are a few grand stalwarts 
that are continually doing good. 

Somewhere the writer saw a picture of A, T. Stewart as he 
appeared reproving one of his salesmen for misrepresenting 
some cheap goods in his store. In the utmost composure A, 
T. Stewart stood explaining to the ashamed clerk, his rule of 
business. There is no doubt, but what that salesman will enjoy 
a lifelong benefit from that interview with that great man. 
Who ever heard of a hotel man doing anything like that ? 
The act was inspired ; the picture ought to be framed in gold 
and hung up in the office of every hotel. Of course there 
are plenty of hotel proprietors whose moral plain is so high 
and smooth that a suspicion can never reach them, they need 
no eulogy here ; they are as distinct from the ribald class as 
wheat is from tares ; besides, there are scores of men in the 
hotel business who are not, strictly speaking, "hotel men." 
Of this latter class there is in the proprietorship of the 
Palmer House of this city, a notable example. Although 
owner and proprietor of perhaps the finest hotel in the United 
States, Potter Palmer is not a hotel man. Yet in five years 



8 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

his practical mind has achieved wonders never attempted by 
anyone else in that business. He has given hotels and hotel 
keeping a new impetus. His name and fortune has brought 
honor to its waning respectability. So much so, that to-day, 
the Palmer House is by tacit, acknowledgement everywhere 
the hotel standard of perfection. A genius in his way, his 
name will illuminate the honored galaxy of immortals, Com- 
modore Vanderbilt, A. T. Stewart and Horace Greeley. 

Long after his envious rivals and revilers shall have shrunk 
]mck into the cold mists of recollections — zero, his name a 
beacon light to young ambition, will glisten in the zenith of 
renown. A man of large intellect who would have been 
equally successful in the profession of law or literature ; his 
directing mind is seen in everything about the Palmer House, 
the most intricate financial problems down to the smallest 
details, even to the placing of a tack upon which a notice 
card is to be hung, obtains his inimitable i^reciseness. Mr. 
Palmer's success in a field so entirely new to him has, as 
might be expected, produced some unjust business enmity 
among some "old stagers" in the hotel business, who always 
thought "a man must be born in it" in order to attain excellence. 
This leads one to reflect that gratitude and appreciation do 
not rise ''plioenix-like" in a day, but rather is first heard like 
a whisper, then like a murmur of dawning happiness, then 
the voices of congratulation become louder and louder, until 
they seem to clasp and break upon each other like endless 
ocean waves, and subside only to be renewed continually. 

The world is very hard to convince. It is chary of its 
credulity. It often witholds its favor long after it is merito- 
riously due. It seems to regard all things, at first, in the ab- 
stract and gradually advance towards the' reality. It must 
regard a fact as only a theory for a certain length of time 
before it will accept it as a fact. The world has never yet 
snatched a real fact from the gloom of obscurity, and rushed 
with it before the astonished gaze of the populace. The 
multitude must be prepared by expectancy. It must have 
its doubts allayed, and its logical conclusions set up on both 
sides to receive the fact. The only recompensation for this 
is that when the world takes up the fact it is prolific in its 
distinctions and forever holds it in a most indulgent embrace. 

The desire that strangers, visiting Chicago, have to see the 



ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 9 

Palmer House is an acknowledgment of its fame. Sight 
seeers, though unprofitable to the house, are always furnish- 
ed with a guide to direct them to the various points .of inter- 
est in the hotel. The dining room, incomparable in palacial 
splendor, awakens, as it naturally must, a great deal of en- 
thusiasm. Particularly with those who appreciate architect- 
ural grandeur and who are informed in emblamatic decora- 
tions and representations in classic mythology, it is an enter- 
taining study. Why some people should expect to see some- 
thing extraordinary about the "ladies' ordinary," is always 
puzzling. What makes it so expectantly important, is prob- 
ably its connection with the plural name, ladies, however, 
they often expect to see something extraordinary in the 
ordinary. Under this mistaken notion, people will misdirect 
their applause and ludicrously enough, pass over the extra- 
ordinary in solemn silence. 

At the Palmer House it is a common thing, when employ- 
ees of long continuance there leave, for them to receive a 
months pay, overtime, as a good-will from the proprietor, 
which must be admitted to be very generous and kindly — who 
ever heard of a hotel man doing anything like that ? With 
these pleasant impressions, the writer would be glad to close 
the subject, but he has not finished yet. 

No greater misfortune could befall a poor boy out upon 
the world, than to get a situation in some hotel. It offers no 
opportunities for advancement. There is some chance for 
the "street arab" to rise to a place of honor, or the news boy 
who generally becomes a stationer, or clears the intervening 
distance to a dealer in yankee notions, with a single bound. 
From an errand boy to a lucrative position of trust, is equally 
short ; from a cash boy to a partnership in the store is almost 
a direct line to a boy of fair ability ; but what is there for a 
boy who commences, say as a bell boy in some hotel ; nothing 
but stultification and menial rot. Every poltroon that puts 
up at a hotel, uses the protection of the hotel to abuse its 
boys, anywhere else but in a hotel, a poltroon would, by the 
surroundings be compelled to use gentlemanly behavior even 
towards boys. Surrounded by vulgarity and no refining in- 
fluences that reach him, it can be seen how easily a boy may 
fall into vice, of which there is always a variety to select from. 



10 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

Even should one poor unfortunate with superior ahility, 
now and then rise to the position of clerk in the hotel, he is 
still far from ennobling employment. In that capacity his 
business is to be a target against which abuse and vulgarity 
are hurled day after day. In the midst of imprecations he 
must look serene and thankful. At his desk he must always 
appear with a beaming smile ; shining like a ray of light 
through the unknown. He must know all about the small 
things of a great city. He must be posted about the stage, 
about all the "teams" that there may be, he always has the 
latest slang phrases, he must be able to talk about the fast 
horses, the fast people, and he must be a directorn to bad 
places, as well as churches. 

Hotel employees are the hardest worked of employes any- 
where. Even Sunday, usually a day of rest to others means 
to them increased labor. They never have a holiday or a va- 
cation, unless it is taken on the plea of disability, and then 
they are "docked" for the day or two days that the disability 
lasts. From this continuous drain upon them, and no cor- 
responding recuperation, is it not to be expected that their 
stock of good nature must become exhausted. Even if they 
should become morose and sour is it not the natural out- 
growth of such circumstances. For all this, hotel employees 
are expected to be professors of etiquette and politeness. 
Certainly this state of things must be the millennium. The 
hotel employee's sense of hearing must ever be an open and 
interested receptacle for all the vile and debasing thoughts 
that can find shape in words. If an employe take no part in 
coarseness or vulgarity, is naturally above such degredation, 
he can never be popular, at least with certain classes of hotel 
patrons, who are influential enough to make it an ol^ject for 
hotel proprietors to keep only popular persons around them. 

The unlawful and unjust use made of the names of some 
hotel employes by the Hotel Keeper,s Association of Chicago, 
is an outrage to any fair minded person, and was the means 
of calling out the following communication, kindly published 
l)y the Ckicago Times about a year ago. Many employes 
"black balled" by the association then, are holding responsi- 
ble positions now, which fact in itself is at least a good nega- 
tive repudiation of the association, and its efficiency to starve 



ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 11 

a man for failing in sufficient respect to some clownish hotel 
man, member, or patron of the association. 

THE SPLEEN CLUB. 
To the Editor. 

Chicago, April 27. — If an excuse is necessary for addressing the 
Times, please accept one or the other, or both the following excuses: 
First, the common habit the people have of writing to the press; second 
the interest I have in being an employee in the line of business implied 
in my subject. 

Good intentions have many phases, and not unfrequently fall into 
base uses. No one doubts that the Hotel Keepers' Association was or- 
ganized upon square and honorable prmciples. No one doubts that it 
had its inception in pure motives and chastity. It was hailed as a legiti- 
mate and pure production of circumstances; but, judging from circum- 
stances, I fear the sheen of its splendor has been dimmed by the foul 
finger marks of time. But to be more explicit. As I understand it, the 
object of the association is worthy enough, but abuses have crept into it. 
The degeneracy of man has produced, among other things, a thing called 
spleen. Olficial acts, whether good or bad, not ruled out of order by the 
association to which the official belongs, must be accepted as indorsed 
by it. From this standpoint one would be almost justified in calling the 
Hotel Keepers' Association the Spleen Club. Men who possess the in- 
herent right to the name of "Mine Host," it seems to me, ought to be 
above the malarial and rancid pool of spleen. But perhaps such is not 
the case. About two years ago ^here arrived in Chicago, a Canadian 
hotel servant, bringing good recommendations, etc., and he was em- 
ployed by your correspondent, and afterward proved deserving. Sub- 
sequently he took another place, and for the space of six months all was 
well between emploper and employee. Then there happened a misunder- 
standing about woges. The fellow modestly claiming what he thoughts 
were his rights, without avail, left. Immediately after, noticas went 
flying around to all the hotels, and now the man is under the ban of the 
association, and, according to the rule, cannot be employed by any of its 
members. 

Leaving without notice, and trivial acts of like character, bring down 
u'pon the head of the unfoi'tunate offender an avalanche of hotel wrath. 
This is hardly fair, and calls for reform from and association that can be 
a "thing of beauty a7id a joy forever." 

In this connection it may be appropriate to call attention 
to the hotel barnacle. Apply the same sense to the word 
barnacle in connection witli hotels that defines it in politics, 
and the reader will then understand the meaning of hotel 
barnacle. There is, however, a small difference between the 
hotel barnacle and the tax payers' barnacle. Which is, that 
while the latter may concede pauperism, the former by in- 
comparable "cheek" appears under the alaises of Hotel Ke- 
porter. Hotel News, Hotel World, Hotel Director, and so 



12 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

forth and begins a dickering carrier as president, vice presi- 
dent and nine directors of the entire hotel interest. Thus by 
throwing over its head a shred torn from the garment of new- 
paper genius it manages to keep with chitching distance of 
respectable hotels. Eespectable hotels should brush away 
these pests, and no longer be prey to such impudent preten- 
ders. 

PEOPLE IN HOTELS. 

It is in the dining room of a hotel more than anywhere 
else, that the greatest inconsistances of the human character 
are discernable. It is there the worst side of human nature 
is in its fullest. As soon as a man prepares to eat he is very 
much like any other animal. His savage nature becomes 
active, and he is easily provoked. He is inclined to be sus- 
picious, and angry at all other people. What he can get, he 
don't want. His desire seems to be, to take w^iat some one 
else has from them. The characteristic traits of childhood 
are often strong in maturity. A forty year old male child 
will make as long and wry a face about the possession of its 
particular chair at the table as any "three year old." Let 
him be touched by anything but the thoughtful hand of 
anxious care, and his wail will be as loud and deep as that of 
the most petulant yearling. Under a heavy pressure of dig- 
nity, many people expect the utmost in the way of politeness, 
without the least thought given to their own politeness toward 
those from whom the civility is looked for. They will snarl 
and snivel and snort at dinner like a pack of wolves devour- 
ing their prey, each one trying to monopolize all the room, all 
the attention and all the food, without the least regard to 
what others may want, or what they may be entitled to, and 
expect politeness to stand smilmgly over the scene. To dis- 
discharge some one that has not this species of politeness is a 
distinction about which there is often considerable rivalry. 

Abomination has a distinguished hand-maid in an incor- 
rigible club of medium aged bachelors, to the number of four 
or six, occupying a table in some conspicuous part of the din- 
ing room of a first-class house. Clubs are always composed 
of men whose sympathies run in lines parallel to each other, 
whose sentiments (if it can be said that old bachelors have 
sentiments) are alike ; whose hates, loves and tastes mingle 
in harmonious privacy. Although the incorrigibles are usu- 



ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 13 

ally loud of voice, and somewhat boisterous, it is their way 
of conducting private conversation — in public. A person 
that has not by natural affinity and slow degrees taken a 
place in the heart of the Incorrigible Club, is always an in- 
truder anywhere near them. In the matter of table etiquette 
the Incorrigible Club is supreme, unless one take into consid- 
eration that it blows its nose a good deal while at the table. 
The approach of a party of ladies always throws the club 
into spasms of sneezing, coughing and nose blowing. Strik- 
ing the blades of two knives together like a workman in a 
slaughter house, is usually an accompaniment to the nose 
blowing and sneezing. 

With these exceptions and the exception of a few lesser 
qualifications not worth mentioning, the table etiquette of the 
Incorrigible Club is incomparable. Under these circumstan- 
ces it is not suri^rising that the club regards an outsider as 
only a "hog." The only objection to this is, that the club is 
too limited in its view ; it should include the whole drove of 
swine. Exclusiveness and association of one's own choosing 
is pleasant and agreeable, but what excuse is there to blow 
the nose, make a grunting and sibilant noise like animals as 
soon as the table is reached ? This probably is one of the 
initiation secrets of the Incorrigible Club. Of course where 
there are so many exceptions in the way of ordinary decency 
the moral standard becomes contaminated. In fact the 
standard might be said to trail in the cesspool of Pliny's 
worst assertions. The sins that destroyed Sodom and 
Gomorrah are disgustingly prevalent and conspicuous ; so 
much so that it is almost impossible for a person to make a 
gesture without meeting the interpretation of depravity. 

Who that has lived even but a short time in some first- 
class hotel, but has been disgusted by a certain class of 
people who are always warring for small respect. They seem 
to be afraid that some servant, in the secret of his or her 
mind, does not regard them with sufficient solemnity. To 
build up this feeling in the servant they take upon them- 
selves, as a duty, and to aid them they will use the name of 
the proprietor and even threaten to discharge the offending 
ones themselves. With imaginary success they are at once 
lifted up on the throne of self-esteem, and their lives will be 
ease and tranquility evermore ! Endearment will then take 



14 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

the place of aggressiveness, and absorption, followed by 
solicitude for "my Tommy," will flow from them in a soft and 
rippling voice, like a brooklet gushing over a mossy bed. 
Let the divine rights of man be advocated as much as it 
will, man wants man tobe his cringing slave. 

What the vender of small articles, who sells his wares 
from door to door is to the housewife, the drummer is to the 
merchant in every city. The drummer has a sort of buy 
cheap and sell dear respect for all whom he chances to meet. 
At home in the hotel, the drummer shines for all. He 
winks knowingly at the waiters, he cajoles the chamber- 
maids, and his gallantry can be had for considerable less 
than the asking by a lady guest. Ladies sometimes mildly 
rebuke his officiousness by abruptly leaving one table in the 
dinmg-room and taking a seat at another further from his 
presence. Although the drummer generally pays his per 
diem at the hotel, he will not scruple to wring out of 
it all the extras possible. The drummer is a modern 
character, that had its beginning in competitive industry ; 
and like all of nature's productions, must have its youth, its 
manhood and its decay. In fact, it seems already to be in 
the retrogressive stage of its existence. What was a res- 
pectable calling a few years ago is now reduced almost to 
pack peddling. 

As judges are said to put on their "judicial face" when 
the court opens, so might it be said that people put on a 
hotel face ; that is, having no individuality of their own, 
except perhaps shoddy notions of life, they act for effect, and 
they are often reckless about its being a good effect. The 
heavy character, with its dangerous pressure of dignity, is 
still in vogue, but it is very difficult to sustain ; particularly 
so if a clumsy waiter should drop a plate of soup over the 
character's shoulders, thus forcing upon it a choice of either 
killing the servant or retiring from the character. Thih 
character is too easily unmasked to keep popular, so it is 
being abandoned and superseded by a more elastic one. 

I really believe that there are people who would die of 
emmi if they would not be afforded the opportunity, I might 
say luxury, of being offended, particularly if they are people 
whose business needs advertising, such as "doctors," who 
live by utilizing the waste found in the crevices along the 



JIL\^£S, iEAlLl'l IJO'JIL. 15 

road of the medical profession, and "professors " who can 
tell so much good or ill from the basis of a scalp wound. 
Nothing will so dishearten a phrenologist as to give him no 
opportunity to flare up, but treat him to a chance to get mad 
and gain a little cheap prominence under the guise of offence, 
and he will bless the hotel. From saying to the wife of a 
New York "professor" that she "might be mistaken" arose a 
most embarrassing succession of circumstances to an hotel 
employee with whom the writer happened to be acquainted, 
As soon as she fairly understood that she was told that she 
might be mistaken, she struck " high tragedy" and almost 
shrieked, "You tell me I lie ! You tell me I lie ! ! Y^'ou tell 
me I lie ! ! ! I will see if you tell me I lie ; " and strode out of 
the dining room in the most approved Lady Macbeth fashion. 
At her room she went through the formality of two hysterics, 
and one spasm at least. She was going to leave the hotel 
instantly. While the employee stood dumbfounded at this 
unexpected explosion, and thinking of the probable result, 
he was approached by the "professor's" agent and requested 
to "call on the madame and make some apology." Here 
was a way out of the dilemma, which the employee was only 
too glad to avail himself of. Accordingly he directed his 
steps to the proper number. The apology was anticipated 
and granted almost in advance of its delivery, and granted 
so profusely that the "madam" could hardly restrain herself 
from embracing the bewildered employee. As will be seen 
there are three distinct observations in this little episode, 
flaring up at nothing, wishing to be reconciled at once — and 
esteem for the person who, as she said, told her she lied. 

If we except the advance agent of a minstrel troupe, pro- 
bably the most ostentatious guests are public singers, or, 
opera people. Their manner is fussy and "loud." They 
seem to have given a quit-claim to modesty for a charter for 
boldness by the world at large. In the most trivial conver- 
sation, attitude, gesture, and facial expression superficially 
appear. If a prima donna took her handkerchief from her 
pocket in a place where there might be one pair of eyes to 
admire, she would study "effect" in the use of it. Thus, 
while she might be relating how she happened to oversleep 
that morning, she would be acting a scene in Faust or 111 
Trovatore. They are the most emphatic people to be seen. 



16 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

The men shake their fingers so earnestly in each other's 
faces that one would naturally suppose it was to be an argu- 
ment of fisticuffs ; but this fear is soon dissipated by one of 
them calling for a bottle of claret in a calm manner. 

It is an everyday occurrence in the dining rooms of hotels 
to have people request not to be seated at a table with Jews. 
If the Jews would only be as anxious to be by themselves, 
and not interfere in any way with the Gentiles, they would 
be entitled to more respect. But just as soon as a Jew ap- 
prehends that some one objects to his presence, or that there 
is some particular locality where his presence is undesired, 
he stubbornly persists in going there. If the Jews would be 
equally specific and object to table companionship with the 
Gentiles, the antipathy would soon wear off. Jews are 
seclusive in their social relations everywhere, but in the hotel 
dining room — this is their battle-field of personality — and 
antipathy toward them is increasing, instead of diminishing 
in that particular. 

Anyone disposed to look at the ludicrous side of things can 
find a good deal of legitimate laughing stock in the average 
English traveler. In most of English travelers a mingling 
of foppishness and imbecility is a chief distinction. The 
average English traveler is always looking for some member 
of his party, (they usually travel in small parties of four or 
six) and although he might have just left the one that he was 
searching for, he would not be satisfied that he or she was 
not somewhere else, until he had made an exhausting search 
particularly in the dining room, if it should happen to be 
crowded with guests at dinner. English travelers are always 
lost ; they are forever hunting for each other ; and when they 
do find themselves together, the pleasure of meeting is but 
momentary, for the very first step hazarded by any one of 
the number, scatters them all over again. They have a 
peculiar habit of slipping away from each other unknowingly 
and of course the searching is being continually renewed. 
An English traveler can never remember which door he en- 
tered a room by, and consequently, woeful results befall him 
whenever an exit is attempted; he usually plunges into some 
forbidden place, and in trying to extricate himself from this 
embarrassment, he only stumbles further into it. They are 
often out of place, and for this grossness of conduct and the 



ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 17 

privilege of being ridiculous, they are ever ready to say 
"thank you," or "beg pardon," 

I will not attempt to mimic their hi's or their ho's ; this 
deserves the cloak of charity, their schoolmasters are to 
blame for this, not themselves. Their questionings are often 
absurd, "when does the six o'clock train go out," I have no 
doubt was intended as a satire upon them in this respect. 
They are always very friendly and talkative to hotel servants, 
from whom they get most of their information about America. 
A hotel waiter can interest them in conversation when an 
American statesman would be a bore. Ignorance is the flint 
against which little learning loves to flash its steel. But not 
to the English alone does this apply, I believe it is universal, 
for people to want to be greater than others, and when among 
lesser lights than themselves, they are more happy than they 
would be if they were where their own light would appear 
~ dim by contrast. This trait of the human character was the 
motive power that once threw the world back into the "dark 
ages." Had this desire to know more and appear smarter 
than anybody else never existed, learning never would have 
been suppressed. Knowledge was too precious to be made 
common by distribution among the masses. This spirit still 
exists in most of the European nations. 

Like a boy that carries his fishing rod around on his 
shoulder three days in advance of fishing day, these English 
travelers regale themselves in the costume of mountaineers 
thousands of miles away from the mountain that is to be scaled. 
They wear an unsightly head gear that they call "me hat," 
made of cork and very clumsy, which they are always losing ; 
and after variously inquiring, "where's me hat?" find again. 

Every attention in the courtesy catalogue of a hotel is re- 
garded by the English traveler as a personal mark of dis- 
tinction to himself. I do not think that I ever saw an Eng- 
lish traveler sit down to eat and stay seated until he was 
through his meal. He is forever jumping up and sitting- 
down again. This automatic-like motion arises from two dis- 
tinct causes, thinking and forgetting in rapidsuccession. If he 
should happen to leave the table he is sure to engage in the 
inevitable search for his friends, and this occupies his atten- 
tion until long after meal hours. It is astonishing how these 
people travel and not get lost forever. I never saw an Eng- 



18 ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 

lish traveling party arrive or depart in a body ; they seem to 
scatter off out of one place and converge at another, and of 
course they are all glad to see each other again and converse 
about how it happened. 

The marriage relation of the English traveler must be a 
"dull reality of life," or at least of happy life. "Man and 
wife is the epitaph on the gravestone of their dead emotion 
and dead impulse. They have not that anxious solicitude 
for each other so richly possessed by American wives and 
husbands. It is a rare thing for an Englishman and his wife 
to enter a hotel dining room together, and sit chatting and 
have an enjoyable and happy repast. Usually they come 
alone, the husband first, perhaps, or maybe the wife first, 
However, the last will be searching for the first, and when 
the last has found the first, the first leaves the table, having 
finished the meal, and in dumb silence the last follows the 
first shortly afterward. 

The English girls are charming, very intelligent, and ani- 
mated, with mirthful, blue eyes, and rosy cheeks, indicating 
an abundance of vitality. Of course, tendrils of such tropi- 
cal natures require careful transplanting. It is hardly fair 
to graft them upon the frigidity of an Englishman's love. 

A physiognomist never looked a married Englishwoman in 
the face without thinking that she had lived her whole life 
trying to please without succeeding once, so that a no use, I 
can't expression became engraved upon her features. The 
delicate texture of womanly love and loveliness is not appre- 
ciated by these boorish Englishmen. 

These English travelers invariably have something to say 
about American people and American hotels after they return 
to their side of the Atlantic. All the writings that I have 
seen of these returned home English travelers reads like a 
plea in self-defense, conscious of having been ridiculous 
while here, themselves. They square the matter to their 
own feelings by telling their friends that the Americans are 
unmannei^y people. For holding open a door for an Ameri- 
can lady to- pass and not receiving thanks from her, "a 
supercilious English cad" published that American ladies 
have no politeness. American ladies are not helpless, and 
may be, in this particular instance, the lady would have been 
more thankful if the "cad" had minded his own business. 



ABUSES, OR ABOUT HOTELS. 19 

English travelers find a great deal for comment in the 
words "guess," "reckon," and "is that so?" often used by 
Americans. May be English travelers do not know that real 
worth is not vaunting. An ignoramus may think that he 
knows everything that there is to know, but a really wise and 
learned man will frankly admit that there is a great number 
of things that he must "guess," or "reckon," or have doubts 
about. May be they don't know that the words guess, 
reckon, is a polite concession to the anticipated different 
opinion of some one else. When he has learned this much 
he may be ready to admit that these little simple words, 
guess or reckon, contain the sentiment of politeness that he 
says Americans have not to a vast extent. In fact, no court 
phrase in all Europe can equal the pure sentiment of polite- 
ness that prompts an American to say I reckon or 1 guess. 
"Is that so ?" has the essence of politeness in a large measure. 
When a person says "Is that so?" he of course wishes to 
impress upon the narrator that what he hears is new to him, 
consequently interesting; he also avers by this happy ex- 
pression that he is thankful for the knowledge received. 
Those English travelers do not know what they are writing 
about, or else they must have got their ideas from observa- 
tion in the hotel dining room, which is no criterion of Ameri- 
cans. The American people do not live in hotels. Hotel 
life represents only the uncultivated fruit of civilization in 
the United States. 



